Introduction
I have experienced an awakening. For a long time I dismissed it as ”nothing to worry about”, but now I know ─ I have to let it go. It hasn’t been easy to accept something I’ve been doing from adolescence. It has been two years now since I realized being addicted to porn and masturbation. So here I am, telling my story. How I noticed the problem, the probable causes and what comes next.
Adolescence and my first addiction
As a kid I loved video games. I loved them so much that my parents had to curb my screen time. My sibling and I would have 60 minutes to play each day, which never felt enough for me. An egg timer was placed next to the PC, which would mark the end of the session. But I was hooked... I would play Zoo Tycoon and whenever the timer neared it’s end, I’d turn a tiny bit more time before the clock rings. That ”little more” almost always got into being 30-60 minutes extra.
Time goes on, and I still very much enjoy playing video games. But now the PlayStation 3 got released and it was AMAZING! For the first time in my life I jumped into online action. Call of Duty was my favorite back then. It was better than anything I’d ever experienced before. Fast, adrenaline‑filled action with never‑ending novelty. Climb up in those ”kill streaks” felt so good. I’d keep play long after sundown, even when I was supposed to be asleep, leaving me exhausted for the next school day.
I would lose sleep and motivation to do anything besides playing my beloved console. I Saw fewer friends, who would invite me outside to play soccer or other activities. It didn’t motivate me as much as leveling up in my games. Needless to say, I had become an addict.
I knew how it was. I just couldn’t think of anything more fun to do than play video games. ”If this is something I like to do and spend my time on, then why should I feel guilty about it?” Many years later I would ask myself the very same question…
Here ends my first blog post. We’ll come back visiting these times once I have covered my life from adolescence to the present. Then we’ll reflect what was really happening in my brain during those years of my life and why it most likely has a connection to my development of porn addiction.
Let’s work on getting better together!
- AiC
PS. You can find my 🦣 Mastodon (coming soon...) on my contact page. I post updates about my day and recovery there. Also feel free to send me an DM or email me about anything on your mind.